If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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