sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
