You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize