I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
