I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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