I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize