my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
