Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
