There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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