Me too!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
