TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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