Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
