Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize