Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
