I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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