bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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