I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My vagina is officially offended.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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