i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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