help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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