I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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