somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize