This is not my ceiling
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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