Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
