I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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