i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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