i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
