I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sext me about skeletons
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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