what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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