The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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