Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I supernannyed him into submission
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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