how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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