but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize