Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
