Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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