matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
