i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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