her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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