Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
