hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
did i just pee glitter
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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