I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
