In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
