I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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