hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
