you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
