And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
