I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize