my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
