fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
