Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
