yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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