he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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