She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
