TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
