Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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