Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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