You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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