I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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