I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize