I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
