am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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