Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
