Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
