Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
