I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
