OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
