I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
