He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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